Channeling Alfalfa

Dear Assholes, Haters, and Miscellaneous Stains on Humanity,

I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes!

Love, El Guero

Life's Funny -- But Not Funny Ha Ha

Life sucks a little bit right now. I've been in and out of my "moods" and I've been thinking too much. For instance, yesterday I was thinking that I wished money didn't matter, so that I could go to law school in California instead of spending another three years in the middle of nowhere.

Then today, after walking into the UTEP Recital Hall for the dress rehearsal of a friend's senior concert, I realized that if money didn't matter, I wouldn't be going to law school in the first place.

When do we become too rational for our own good?

Minnesotan Interlopers

So we had a group of six law students come into the office from Minnesota for the week, meaning that for the first time in six months, there were other DUDES in the legal department my age (ish).

Don't get me wrong, I love and respect all my female coworkers as vibrant, complex human beings even though they're almost all somehow vegetarian and have way too many "feelings". But sometimes, it's nice to be surrounded by people who can appreciate things like Googling the phrase "Hmong princess" or burrito-eating contests.

(Just FYI...no one wins in a burrito-eating contest. Especially when the burritos are 18 inches long. There goes my "diet.")

The Baker told me not to get too attached, lest I end up like the kid who grows up on the farm and gets attached to the family pig, only to be disappointed when it comes time to brutally slaughter the pig to make bacon. (Unless he's some pig -- a terrific, radiant, humble pig.)

But when I left work today and said goodbye, I was surprisingly unsentimental. Probably because I'M DONE WITH VOLUNTEER WORK IN A WEEK! My foray into immigration law is coming to a close, as I have a tentative lead on a job. It's a shaky one, though. Worst case scenario, I go back to being "unemployed" for a couple of weeks, go to Waco and DFW, and then go back to volunteering so I don't look like a lazy bum even though I totally am one.

Shout-Out No. 1

Shout out to reader and fellow blogger Jesse Mendez of San Diego, California (here's his blog for those of you interested). A couple of days ago he gave everyone on his friend's list an award, and I had somehow overlooked the fact that I RECEIVED AN AWARD! YES! First award of the year. Most excellent. Anyhoo, thought I'd share. This is going up on my profile.

Happy New Year to Jesse, and to everyone!

EDIT: Jesse says this award's for everyone, so feel free to post it

2010!! WOO!!!!

So yesterday I meant to post witty commentary about the new year that no one will ever read but I've been lazy. Not a good way to start off 2010 (pronounced twenty-ten, btw) but it'll still be better than whatever this past year was...

...2009, you say? Ha ha, silly people. 2009 never happened! You know how I know? Because I don't remember anything about it! If I can't remember it, it didn't happen. Must...dance away...shame...*turns on blaring salsa music* DANCE, FOOLS!!! DANCE TO FORGET!!!

...*breathes*

Alright, so for posterity's sake, I've decided to catalogue and "publicize" (hah) my resolutions, along with how likely it will be for me to follow through on these. I've made several. So, without further ado, here's how I plan to make my life better than the past year (which didn't happen)...

RESOLUTION THE FIRST: Find a part time job
So working on the set of Law and Order: La Raza for six months now is all well and good, but the fact of the matter is that I'm still an all-too-willing collectivist slave an unpaid volunteer. The impetus behind getting a paying job faded once I realized I wouldn't be in El Chuco long enough to sign a lease on an apartment, and my parents are willing to give me money for booze and strippers and small arms for "incidentals." Still, it would be nice to have some money of my own to mess around with, especially since I'd like to go back to North Africa this summer. Ideal job: clothing store or Barnes and Noble. Something away from food.

Probability of success: moderate.

RESOLUTION THE SECOND: Losing 12 to 15 pounds by March 1
Okay, so everyone who knows me knows I've been trying to lose weight since God knows when, but the thing was, I wasn't *really* trying. Now, I have a plan involving how many calories I may consume daily. Also, fast food has been banished to Fridays, I plan on going to the gym on a daily basis by mid-January and then going twice a day on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays by February. I've got a PLAN. Currently, I weight 181. Ideally, I'd like to be down somewhere around 167 to 169.

Probability of success: again, moderate. I probably won't succeed in every part of the plan, but by March 1, I expect to have lost *some* weight. If not, ima be pissed.

RESOLUTION THE THIRD: Learn one chapter from Build Your Arabic Vocabulary a week until I learn all the words by May 1
Yep, another resolution with a deadline. I've been lazy in keeping up my Arabic, and the Syrian owner of the Sunglass Hut at Cielo Vista seemed a little wary when I came up to him with a fresh buzzcut and tried to chat him up. So I've decided to learn a chapter of vocab every week, beginning with food, until I have memoried all 1,000 words. To be fair, I already know a lot of them.

Probability of success: Well, depends. If I stick with it, it's certainly do-able. (As are all these, I guess...)


RESOLUTION THE FOURTH: Memorize all eight SparkCharts related to law before May 31
Basically, I found these charts at Barnes and Noble that outline everything I'm going to be learning my first semester of law school. Since on occasion I can be a notorious half-ass, I figure I'll get a head-start on my legal studies, lest I find myself ready to snap psychologically encapsulated by the crushing sense of quiet desperation small-town charm of Waco my first semester.

Probability of success: Eh, no biggie. I don't really *have* to, it would just lessen the pain of the inevitable mind-meld that is law school

RESOLUTION THE FIFTH: Take a multivitamin supplement
Let's face it -- I eat crap everyday. I'm the furthest thing from a vegan you'll ever find. I don't even come *close* to eating a balanced diet, and sadly, I probably never will. That's why I need a multivitamin. This is an incredibly easy thing to do. Sadly, it's the New Year's resolution I am least likely to follow through on because of it.

Probability of success: Very low, indeed.