I Wonder How An Arab Jay Leno Would Read These Headlines

So in an attempt to learn Arabic better, I became a fan of CNN Arabic on Facebook. Now, I get the occasional Arabic headline pop up in my news feed. At the beginning I found myself cheating plugging phrases in to Google Translate to understand what they meant. But with the passage of time, even given my limited Arabic, I've learned crucial words and phrases necessary to understand Middle Eastern media.

The following are actual headlines I've read on CNN Arabic's newsfeed within the past three days, without the assistance of dictionaries or other translation aids. I thought I'd share:

Anwar al-Awlaki ... for jihad against "the Great American Satan"

Clashes between Palestinian youth and Israeli forces ... West Bank and ... north of Jerusalem

Israel ... on Arabs "..." in memory of Al-Nakbah ("the Catastrophe" -- what Arabs call the day Israel was establish in 1948)

Killing of Thai workers by a Qassam rocket in South Israel (while this news was sad, it excited me, because I was able to guess the word for "rocket" by context clues!)

Tiger Woods returns to playing following the scandal of ... (this one was hard at first because I couldn't figure out who the hell "Taaygur Woudz" was)

Clinton in Moscow for ... "Start 2" and the Middle East

How would you know that you were someone who is addicted to sex? (best headline ever)

... "Hello Kitty" ... Melia Obama

Names of famous people are hard, because they're spelled out phonetically, so Hillary Clinton becomes "Heelaaree Kleentoon." Also, Arabic doesn't have some of the letters that English does, so General David Petraeus becomes "El Jinraal Dayfeed Batrayoos." More hilariously, Oprah becomes "Oobra." Yes. They love Oobra in the Middle East.

The commenters are also fun. I get excited when I start understanding phrases like "Obama is in the hands of the Zionists." It makes me hope that one day I will be good enough to plug these phrases into Google Translate for the federal government. Inchallah.

Wa aydhan ana sa3eed li an 3alamtu an a7id min asdi9a2i laysa fi kyrgyzstan alaan. Al7amdullah.

It's Really the Simple Things in Life

Short post.

The best times in life are not the ones spent slaving away behind a desk or the ones where you feel compelled to recite your resume in an attempt to have somebody judge you. They're the the ones you spend having Kitten Cannon wars and Bowman 2 deathmatches with your buddy on a Sunday night, with True Life, G.I. Jane, and Jackass alternating in the background.

Also, for future reference, speaking Arabic works well when trying to pick up Arab women, but other girls do not find it to be a turn-on. In fact, it scares them a little. Duly noted. Thanks to my man "Top Gun" for throwing it out in our attempt to pick up the hostess at Applebee's, though. He's a good wingman.

People come before all else in life. And youth really is the best time to be alive. It's finite, but I plan on enjoying it to its fullest.

That's all for tonight.