L'snob? C'est moi

Quote of the Day:

"Todavia estoy debating si quiero dejar cheeseburgers pa que yo sea ripped. En este momento, creo que no. Ese pinche payaso de McDonald's me hace gordo pero feliz..." -- Me to La Diosa, re: weight loss

Oh reality checks -- how unwelcome yet necessary you are. If only alcohol could make the impact of the following statement, which is apparently shared by many coworkers, less...impactful:

"Wow, I'm really glad we're talking! You're actually really cool and friendly and fun! I mean, honestly, at first when I met you, I thought you were, like, a snob. You were all quiet. I remember one time I tried to be social, and you said like a one-word answer, and I saw you were on Facebook, and I felt all sad..."

Fantastic. I am the office douchebag. I suppose the upside of this would be confirmation of the fact that I am *not* unfriendly, uncool, and unfunny, but still. I'm the only dude in an office full of women! That's intimidating. Plus I work at a law firm, I can't just stroll in and start talking about what debauchery my friends and I engage in on the weekends! It's not like it's *that* bad, but even if it weren't subject to Bro Code exemptions, it's still not usually office-appropriate.

Whatevz. I'll start going on the charm offensive. I'm really not a withdrawn, anti-social douche! Please love me...

Also, little ego boosts of the day: even at Mulligan's on a Thursday night, I still get recognized. "Hey, you played saxophone in high school, right? You did region stuff and you were really good?" Four years later, they still haven't forgotten about me. I think that tops the time a lady at my gym recognized me as being from the church choir and went off on how good we sound. Top Gun asked, "Dude, you go to church?" Combine this with the generally positive response to my latest Facebook profile picture -- based on the tittering of women worldwide and an uptick in unsolicited friend requests because Facebook usurped my privacy and opened my page up for anyone to see YOU HATERS CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BILE!!! -- and I think I'll be able to absorb the blow of knowing I'm an alleged snob.

Micro-celebrity, thou art sweet.

Chomsky, King of the Jews?

Quote of the Day:

"I know that not all Jews are bad. I personally love Chomsky" -- My friend "Oussa" from Tunisia, re: Jews

So I got into a discussion with Oussa about U.S. policy in the Middle East via MSN. Fuuuuuun. Don't get me wrong, Oussa is awesome and I love talking to her, but conversations about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict are always tough, especially when your interlocutor is Arab, you're American, and you have to defend a decades-long pissing contest with the Soviet Union and the line of neo-con bullshit spewing from Washington.

Still, the best exchange of the night in my opinion went as follows:

ME: I hope you know that I agree with you on a lot of your points. I'm just playing Devil's advocate :)
OUSSA: Yeah!! You are! Pfft!
ME: Lol
ME: I'm going to be a lawyer, it's what I have to do ;-)
OUSSA: Lol. You'll set criminals free!! I hate you! [NOTE: She didn't really mean that...I think]

Now, I know *usually* saying that someone will set criminals free is a bad thing, but I took it as a compliment that I am good at arguing and that I'd make an excellent defense attorney. Of course, I'd never do that. I have morals. For now. Also, on a personal note, I'm thinking about maybe becoming an entertainment lawyer. I know! How I can go from immigrant advocacy to filing frivilous lawsuits for Quincy Jones? Mortal sin. Don't tell anyone, you guys!

And finally, I saw a Bud Light commercial on Facebook a.k.a. that rich bastard Mark Zuckerburg's personal data Ponzi scheme for selling my individuality to the highest bidder YOU ASSHOLE!!! that translated "drinkability" as "tomabilidad." Ladies and gentleman, we've translated a nonsense word from one language to another.

Cue apocalyspe in three...two...

All My (Arab) Children

So I was talking to my friend Ons in Tunisia the other night. She had taken a Facebook quiz saying that the two of us would get married in five years and have five children. Joking around about it, I said our kids names should be Khalid, Houssem, Nour, Issa, and Bob.

She laughed, but then said she didn’t like the name “Bob” and didn’t want a son named Bob. I asked her why not.

“I’ve only known one person with that name – Bob the Sponge.”

Bob the Sponge