2010!! WOO!!!!

So yesterday I meant to post witty commentary about the new year that no one will ever read but I've been lazy. Not a good way to start off 2010 (pronounced twenty-ten, btw) but it'll still be better than whatever this past year was...

...2009, you say? Ha ha, silly people. 2009 never happened! You know how I know? Because I don't remember anything about it! If I can't remember it, it didn't happen. Must...dance away...shame...*turns on blaring salsa music* DANCE, FOOLS!!! DANCE TO FORGET!!!

...*breathes*

Alright, so for posterity's sake, I've decided to catalogue and "publicize" (hah) my resolutions, along with how likely it will be for me to follow through on these. I've made several. So, without further ado, here's how I plan to make my life better than the past year (which didn't happen)...

RESOLUTION THE FIRST: Find a part time job
So working on the set of Law and Order: La Raza for six months now is all well and good, but the fact of the matter is that I'm still an all-too-willing collectivist slave an unpaid volunteer. The impetus behind getting a paying job faded once I realized I wouldn't be in El Chuco long enough to sign a lease on an apartment, and my parents are willing to give me money for booze and strippers and small arms for "incidentals." Still, it would be nice to have some money of my own to mess around with, especially since I'd like to go back to North Africa this summer. Ideal job: clothing store or Barnes and Noble. Something away from food.

Probability of success: moderate.

RESOLUTION THE SECOND: Losing 12 to 15 pounds by March 1
Okay, so everyone who knows me knows I've been trying to lose weight since God knows when, but the thing was, I wasn't *really* trying. Now, I have a plan involving how many calories I may consume daily. Also, fast food has been banished to Fridays, I plan on going to the gym on a daily basis by mid-January and then going twice a day on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays by February. I've got a PLAN. Currently, I weight 181. Ideally, I'd like to be down somewhere around 167 to 169.

Probability of success: again, moderate. I probably won't succeed in every part of the plan, but by March 1, I expect to have lost *some* weight. If not, ima be pissed.

RESOLUTION THE THIRD: Learn one chapter from Build Your Arabic Vocabulary a week until I learn all the words by May 1
Yep, another resolution with a deadline. I've been lazy in keeping up my Arabic, and the Syrian owner of the Sunglass Hut at Cielo Vista seemed a little wary when I came up to him with a fresh buzzcut and tried to chat him up. So I've decided to learn a chapter of vocab every week, beginning with food, until I have memoried all 1,000 words. To be fair, I already know a lot of them.

Probability of success: Well, depends. If I stick with it, it's certainly do-able. (As are all these, I guess...)


RESOLUTION THE FOURTH: Memorize all eight SparkCharts related to law before May 31
Basically, I found these charts at Barnes and Noble that outline everything I'm going to be learning my first semester of law school. Since on occasion I can be a notorious half-ass, I figure I'll get a head-start on my legal studies, lest I find myself ready to snap psychologically encapsulated by the crushing sense of quiet desperation small-town charm of Waco my first semester.

Probability of success: Eh, no biggie. I don't really *have* to, it would just lessen the pain of the inevitable mind-meld that is law school

RESOLUTION THE FIFTH: Take a multivitamin supplement
Let's face it -- I eat crap everyday. I'm the furthest thing from a vegan you'll ever find. I don't even come *close* to eating a balanced diet, and sadly, I probably never will. That's why I need a multivitamin. This is an incredibly easy thing to do. Sadly, it's the New Year's resolution I am least likely to follow through on because of it.

Probability of success: Very low, indeed.

Frustrating Conversations

At the Lee Trevino Starbucks, over manly mocha frappachinos...

Me: Jason, what's up? You have this 40-yard stare like a Vietnam vet.
Jason: Something...happened in one of my art labs the other day...
Me: (concerned) What's going on? Is everything alright?
Jason: I bumped into a girl. And there was a spark. And I think she felt it, too.
Me: Like an actual spark? Or are you using figurative language?
Jason: Figurative language.
Me: Ahhh. Well, did you talk to her?
Jason: I said "sorry."
Me:...
Jason: But she kept looking at me! And every time I went to go wash my bowl, she went to wash her bowl, too! She would deliberately wait to do it. And then she'd smile at me.
Me: Sounds like she wanted you. Did you get her number?
Jason: Dude, I don't even know her name. It's the first time I've ever seen her and it's probably the last time. There were people there who knew her, but I don't talk to them.
Me: So go talk to those people and find out what her name was. Look her up on Facebook, send her a message, be all "I'm Jason and I'm arty and charming, we should get coffee." And then get coffee.
Jason: Isn't that stalkerish?
Me: Maybe. But I'm probably the wrong person to ask about what constitutes "stalkerish." I used to be a journalist.
Jason: Eh. I'm not desperate for a girlfriend.
Me: It's just coffee! It's not like you guys have to get married. If she's a total psychopath then you can always just never see her again. But if she's cool, then you guys could keep seeing each other. She could be "the One" for all you know.
Jason: She could also not be the One.
Me: True. You'd never know. But even if she's not "the One" and you decide you don't want her to bear five children by you from the first sip of coffee, she could introduce you to someone who could be the One. Or, she could introduce you to someone who introduces you to the One. But by not finding out her name, you completely break that chain of potential Ones.
Jason: Whoa. You're right. I've never thought about it like that.
Me: Besides, what other options do you have on the table? Remember "Bertha" from high school? Remember how she used to follow you around all the time...?
Jason: (face goes palid)
Me: You want me to call her up? I ran into her the other day. She works on the West Side now...
Jason: NO!

The frustrating part of this conversation is that I know Jason won't find out this girl's name. And frankly, I can't blame him, because although I am apparently a deep well of knowledge from whom all may quaff wisdom, I'm still single, precisely because I am also unwilling to take petty risks on almost sure bets. Case in point: other day I was at the doctor's office, and the receptionist noticed I was reading Dante's Inferno and said with a smile "that's a really good book."

This is El Paso. Who the hell else reads Dante's Inferno and thinks it's really good? That's like God saying, "You idiot. Ask her out." But I didn't. It's hard to be charming when you're being treated for high blood pressure -- which resulted from treating what doctors thought was a UTI but is probably just a torn ligament. "Yo baby, yo baby, yo baby! Want to help me relieve some hypertension? My urine sample's clean, NAH MEAN?!?" Besides, it's hard to turn the Inferno into a pick-up line. "Maybe you should let me take you on a tour of Hell sometime..."

...yeah. Doesn't work.

Guess it's good I'm going to law school, otherwise I'd probably die alone. I've already received word that at least one set of parents is encouraging their daughter to jump on the K-Train. "He's going to be a LAWYER. Good money..."

Aaaaand We're Off

Started sending off law school applications today. So far I've slogged through seven. They are:

Santa Clara University -- Santa Clara, California
Loyola Marymount University -- Los Angeles, California
University of Miami -- Coral Gables, Florida (wtf? how?)
University of San Diego -- San Diego, California (no false advertising there. Just kidding UM, hah hah...please don't hate me, it was a joke...)
University of Texas -- Austin, Texas
Washington and Lee University -- Lexington, Virginia
College of William & Mary -- Williamsburg, Virginia

Most of these schools gave me fee waivers because I'm an underrepresented minority, and thank God for that. Law school applications are ridiculously expensive. Duke and Pepperdine offered me waivers, too. I'm tackling their applications next. Columbia University also offered to let me apply for free, but I haven't even really looked at their application in depth. I should probably get around to that. I've been avoiding East Coast schools, but New England needs Mexicans, particularly non-threatening Mexicans.

C'mon, guys. Papa needs a scholarship...

Also, my blood pressure is up. A ridiculous amount, resulting from trying to treat other health problems. Anyways, long story short, yesterday was the first day in months I have been truly caffeine-free. It was grim. As of 4:30 mountain time, I have been without caffeine for more than 36 hours. *Shakes, itches* I've also initiated the "Eat a Banana, Dammit!" campaign. Want a snack? Need to lower sodium levels? Lose weight? Have an ethical dilemma. Eat a banana, dammit.

P.S. Dear Body -- STFU and do your job.