On Hats

People treat me differently when I wear hats.

I usually can't pull off baseball hats because my giant head is shaped like a deformed crocodile egg. (And yeah, I know what a crocodile egg looks like, I used to go to zoo camp during the summers as a kid. Bitches.)

But I discovered last year that if I tilt the hat to the side just a smidge, I can pull off a frat boy look. Douchey, but socially acceptable.

Anyways, I spent all last week in Austin checking out UT Law, and in Denton, where I bought a white hat from my alma mater, Hellhole State University. I've taken a liking to it, and especially since getting a shitty, asymmetrical buzzcut, I've been wearing it pretty often.

This weekend I wore it while I was out on a food run with Malena. She even commented on how it looked "hip hop." The cashier girls at Corner Bakery refused to make eye contact, assumedly becuase I was too thug. So as we're going down Zaragosa and we pull up to the corner, this guy taking donations for one of the local Black Baptist churches spots me. With my white baseball cap. Tilted. He points and smiles. I know I'm doomed.

"BIG BALLA!!!" he yells out as he walks towards the car. "Damn you so balla you got yo woman driving you around in the car!"

"Of course," I reply. "That's how you gotta work it."

Long story short, I gave the guy a dollar and I think Malena was mildly horrified to be referred to as my "woman." She got a kick out of "big balla" though. I think it's my new nickname.

Oh and by the way I officially left the set of Law and Order: La Raza. Next adventure -- free trip to Miami. More to come.