Meanwhile, Back on the Ranch...

News from my alma mater, the University of North Texas. Apparently, we’re embroiled in some sort of controversy involving the campus hippie/pothead coalition and the campus Jesus-had-blue-eyes-and-hates-France lobby, and the eyes of DFW are upon us. OOO! Riveting!

ALRIIIGHT! Scrappy to the rescue! *Loads shotgun*

Basically, here’s a rundown of the story, as excellently reported by my good friend Shaina Zucker at the Dallas Morning News. A gay couple wanted to run for homecoming court. Our Student Senate said no. There were some protests. Then they had homecoming. Now, AFTER homecoming, student activists are using the power of protest to try and get the school to let two dudes ride a float down a freeway on what has to be the gayest day of the school year. And they want that to happen NEXT time.

Hey, so UNT – when’s my degree becoming more valuable again? I can’t even get a cashier job at Target in El Paso, and the only people who actually know where I went to school are over 40 and still think it’s called “North Texas State.”

Maybe when you guys build that abomination of a stadium that seats the same number of people as the old one, it will raise the university’s profile (since Texas IS a football state) and encourage rich guys who like to watch football to pay lots of shiny monies to watch our football team suck ass. We might even be able to get esteemed alum Dr. Phil to put his NAME on it! He's big shit. He has a Wikipedia page. In ARABIC! Then, once you're raking in the Benjamins, you can use that money to fund enough research to become “Tier I" and raise UNT's profile.

Or, you know – you could just let the gays do it and give me my money back.